You Stupid Boy
by HistoricalCouples28
Summary: A Pastiche in the style of JD Salinger


div class="_4_j7" style="font-weight: bold; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"strongPastiche in the style of JD Salinger/strong/div  
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>p style="margin: 0px;"If you really want to hear about then I suppose you;ll want to know all about it. But before I start I would like to tell you that this isn't going to be about my whole childhood and all. All this is going to be about is about this incident that happened to me a month ago.p  
>Anyway as I was saying, I like lived here in Walmington-on-Sea for most of my live and it was about a month ago when I got into this really embarrassing situation. I mean no matter how hard I try, I'm always getting myself into these situations.<br>div class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"  
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>p style="margin: 0px;"So like I was saying, it was a month ago when it was time for us to go on patrol for the night, so me and Mr. Jones went off to the park. I don't know how long we were there for but it was getting late and I was starting to get a bit peckish. Mr. Jones wasn't helping the situation either because he was eating a pear. It was right in front of me and boy did that depress me. I mean I know he wasn't doing it on purpose but it did not half make me tummy rumble. Speaking of fruit, before the war broke out we used to have bananas and I used to love bananas and cream. They were my favourite food. You know, I used to mas them up with sugar, loads of sugar and then I would take a huge spoonful and squeeze the bananas through the gaps of me teeth.p  
>p style="margin: 0px;"Like I was saying, it was getting late and we had to report back to Mr. Mainwaring and all but Mr. Jones was still eating so while I was waiting for him to finish when he started telling me a story about when he was in the Boer War. That really killed me. I mean Mr. Jones is a nice guy and all but he doesn't half go on. I was sort of horsing around with my cap when he finally finished his story and his part about a bar of chocolate that he hadn't touched for over 25 years brought back a memory for me.p  
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>p style="margin: 0px;"I was very little and me and my mum used to pass by the place we were patrolling everyday. One day I asked her for a bar of chocolate but she said 'no'. So I got really touchy about not having my bar of chocolate so I went to the park gates and stuck my head through. I pretended that I couldn't get my head out but my mum got really angry and told me that she was going to get the fire brigade and so I pulled my head out. I didn't half laugh but then she hit me.p  
>p style="margin: 0px;"Anyhow as I was saying, I was telling Mr. Jones when I stuck my head through the gates. I mean I didn't do it on purpose, I was just showing Mr. Jones, Anyway I was about to pull it out when I realized it was stuck. No kidding it was actually stuck! I was frightened as hell but Mr. Jones was no help either. All he did was shout, "Don't panic!" He tried to pull me out but he was pulling me ears off and I was real touchy about that.p  
>p style="margin: 0px;"He was about to run and phone Mr. Mainwaring when he suddenly said."Whatever you do don't go away, don't move and don't panic." I mean like seriously where did he think I was going to go!?p  
>p style="margin: 0px;" p  
>p style="margin: 0px;"I don't know how long it was or anything but soon I was being covered up with bits of twigs and branches and a few minutes later Mr. Mainwaring came along with Uncle Arthur. Uncle Arthur I mean Sergeant Wilson isn't really my uncle but I call him uncle. Anyway, Uncle Arthur is a swell guy. I mean he's a hot shot and all. Especially with me mum. Mum and he are quite close and he usually comes round our house for supper. He's known me since I was born. Anyhow like I was saying, they came and while I had my head still stuck in the park gates, the rest of platoon sort of shot the breeze. That really killed me. I mean here I was stuck in between these spikes and they were talking. So like a few minutes past when they well Uncle Arthur started putting Vaseline all over my face. I was real touchy cause it was so cold and greasy but Uncle Arthur just kept saying, "Keep still Frank, just keep still." I did get my head out eventually and I was much relieved but all Mr. Mainwaring could say to me was, "You stupid boy!" That really depressed mep  
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